'Wit, Wisdom & Whiskey' by Harry James

Unaccustomed as I am, I'd like to welcome you to another in the series of Wit Wisdom and Whisky. Please stop me if I ramble on - oh sorry you can't really can you! I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for their fantastic support. It's great to be back with the boys again - hope you enjoy the new album and see you on the road soon. Cheers!

I spend a lot of time and energy following the fortunes of my beloved "Crystal Palace FC". It's a bit of a roller coaster ride, as is football in general.I do sometimes think I'm wasting that time and energy, when I read about all the scams in the game - on the transfer market, and the ridiculous sums of money that circulates within the game. It shocks me to think that just one player's National insurance contribution for one year, is approximately equivalent to eight/ten times of the average yearly wage! (and the player in question can't even get into the first team!) No wonder some football clubs in this country are finding it difficult to survive. Easier said than done I know, but there should be a happy medium between player and club. A player's "shelf life" is reasonably short I know, so he has to make his money whilst he can. Therein lies the problem, which a mere mortal like me, cannot solve.

As a CPFC fan, I've recently enjoyed the successes in the FA Cup - Sorry to you Liverpool fans out there but.....hey! No actually I'm not sorry at all. Gave me a hell of a lot of satisfaction and a rather large hangover too! And as for the game against Leeds !! "We woz robbed guvnor!" Can't believe the ref didn't see the ball crossing the goal line. Maybe I AM in support of video replays during the game after all. Play-offs are a definite possibility this season for the "Eagles", and I sincerely hope it happens - but I can't help casting my mind back a few seasons ago, when we had a reputation for being the "yo-yo" club - The seasons we spent languishing at the bottom of the Premiership, hold no fond memories for me at all - Just pain and more pain!! Why do I take it so seriously? It's only a game after all!

Recently, I offered my services to Tony Blair and George Dubya Bush - All they need to arm me with, is an acoustic guitar really. Don't think that Saddam would appreciate my rendition of "Close To You". What do you think? Would it do the trick? Would I be offered a peace prize after that!? "Sir Harry James"- I can picture it now. Don't make me come over there!

And to those of you affected by London's Congestion Charge - I'm sorry! I can't get my head round paying to get into London - I know the Congestion Charge has it's pros and cons, but I can see it having an adverse effect on a lot of people and their business'. The jury's still out for me and I foresee massive problems round the corner. It was very cleverly introduced at the same time that schools took their half term break; quite a few commuters may well be off on holiday at this time. I think it could get very messy in the next few weeks! Let's see. I shall be watching with interest.

If, like me, you're fed up with all the bad news that you read or hear about, don't buy a newspaper or watch the news-simple as that! Why not bake a cake? This little gem was sent to me a while back by Mike Fraser who engineered a couple of albums for Thunder. Thanks Fraze!

Tada for now

See you soon

"If I knew you were coming I'd have baked a cake"
"Baked a cake"
"Baked a cake"......

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 Cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 Large eggs
1 bottle Vodka
2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the vodka to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the vodka again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar.
Beat again.
At this point its best to make sure the vodka is shtill OK. Try another cup.... just in case Turn off the mixerer.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick fruit off floor.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the vodka to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who giveshz a shit.
Check the vodka.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven and piss in the fridge.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the tumer.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and kick the cat.
Fall into bed.

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