'Hands Up If You're Proud To Be British' by Harry James

It may or may not surprise you to learn that I’m very proud to be British, and I’m certain that even if I could have my pick of countries, I could never live anywhere other than the UK. I hear people constantly moaning about the state of GB: - the government, Tony Blair, the National Health Service, interest rates, the Royal Family. I could go on but I’m sure you get my point. I wonder if other countries have similar kinds of issues? All information would be welcome.

We’ve produced some of the best footballers the world has ever seen, great inventions and amazing scientific advances, not to mention some of the best rock’n’roll & pop bands, the list goes on and on. So there are clearly lots of things to celebrate about being British.

Now you should know I’m not one to moan, anyone will tell you, but…

I tried making an appointment with the doctor the other day and I was told I could have an appointment in a couple of weeks’ time. It’s a good job it wasn’t urgent! It was only a minor ailment, but it wound me up a tad. Like I said I’m not one to moan, but the little episode with the doctors' appointment set me thinking, so I had a trawl around the internet. Here are a few amusing things I found….

Being British is about driving in a German car, to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, and then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry, or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most British thing of all: - Suspicion of anything foreign! Oh the irony.. Ha ha!

Only in Britain…

1. Can you get a pizza delivered to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

3. Do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a Diet coke.

4. Do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive, and lock our junk and cheap lawn mowers in the garage.

5. Do we use answering machines to screen calls, and then have call waiting, so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

6. Are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

(It may not be only in Britain but help me out here..)

And Did You Know?

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.

101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after Opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of Control Scalextric cars.

And finally...

In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet (ouch).

I sincerely hope other countries have similar statistical figures, but I had a good look and I couldn’t find them.

Don't get me wrong..

I know I'm coming across the moaners I was knocking earlier, but I'm only teasing. I love my country, I love the history, the geography and of course the Great British mentality (most of the time). I love The Premiership, Crystal Palace FC (of course), and a traditional sunday roast, and like a great many Brits, I also love to travel. Luckily for me, being in a band has enabled me to visit lots of countries in this ever shrinking world, but no matter where I go, I always look forward to arriving back on British soil. Perhaps the flaws are what make it more appealing?

Now in the absence of a magic wand, I'm going to click my red heels together twice and say “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home.. C'mon Toto!”.

Thanks for reading...

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